In This River
by kathiann
Summary: The 10 i pod challenge remixed. Details inside, warnings for slight language in some of the song titles more so than the drabbles themselves.


**Authors Note: **Over on the Mary_Marshall Live journal community we're doing a twist on the i pod challenge by taking someone else's list and doing it. I took this from bithablu, I've never heard these songs before, I only had two of them on my I pod and had to find the rest on youtube. It was...interesting. Betaed by lgmtreader, who doesn't watch IPS, so, while the grammar should be fine, I'm not sure about characterization, so let me know what you think.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, even less now that I've done 95% of my Christmas shopping.

**01. The Bird and The Worm- The Used 3:45**

Falling, fast and quickly. He never thought this day would come, but it did and he couldn't stay. He took a look in the review mirror as he drove away. He just couldn't face it. He knows he should stay, give her some explanation, tell her why, but he can't.

A week later he throws away his cell phone, gets a new one. He can't handle all the calls from her, asking, begging him to come back; one day, maybe, but not now, not when he knows she went through with it; not when he knows that she picked _him._

A month later it's a call from Stan that has him running back. An argument with one of his old witnesses and she was shot, it was his fault, but he was too late. There is no saving her for him now. He cries there at her funeral, knowing that he wasn't there when she needed him the most. He loved her, but he wasn't there. He had left her, like he promised he wouldn't. He wasn't there to protect her.

She was dead and it was his fault. And now, the only thing left for him was death.

**02. Cheap and Evil Girl- Bree Sharp 3:06**

When he first met her she was a whirlwind and he loved it. She blew into his life and then out again, never staying long, but every time she stayed longer and longer. He thought that she was what he wanted. But he learned.

She didn't want him; she didn't even want the idea of him. She put up with him. When it came time to plan the wedding, she didn't care. Her own sister picked out the dress. When she didn't show up he wasn't surprised; that she didn't leave him for her partner did.

He sat at the reception—it had been paid for after all—nursing a beer, his fifth of the night, wondering why he hadn't figured it out before. Evil, that's what she was. The type of evil that attracted people to her. He had been sucked in like so many before him, only he'd gotten closer to the flame than the rest; he'd been burned.

**03. Hey Pretty- Poe 3:46**

She'd had a bad childhood. One too many close calls with the cops. And then Mark came along. He offered her things that she thought she'd never have; he offered a means of escape from her life. When it all went south less than a month later she didn't regret it. It had taught her that the only person she could rely on was herself.

When she met Raph he was everything she was looking for, good looking and fast and he knew how to ride her hard. He knew when to shut up and when to talk, and more important, he let her leave. But then he asked her to marry him. And for some reason she had said yes.

She found that she no longer wanted Raph, she didn't know what she wanted, but that was not it. The hard and fast screw wasn't what their relationship was about anymore, and it frightened her. She found herself out at the bars, picking up men and dumping them before they got to the sex, and one day, it all caught up with her, and she had finally had enough. And she finally let go.

**04. Forget Me Not- Aythis 7:26**

It was just a letter tucked in with his will, one that she never should have had to read. A letter that changed everything. "Don't forget me, I love you" was what it had said; other things too, but this the most important. It took her six months before she was able to walk back into the Witsec office without looking for him, and when she realized it she left early to drown her sorrow in a bottle of whisky.

A year later when she finally stood across from Raph at the altar of the church she was still on auto pilot thinking of the one person she had wanted there more than anyone. She had been sick on the honeymoon, not caring for Caribbean beaches or hot Latin music with a good dance beat. They went home early.

Two years later; when she found out she was pregnant there was only one thought in her mind, he wouldn't be there to see her happy, he wouldn't be there to see this new life she was bringing into the world. When she said she wanted to name their first son after him Raph had gone crazy, not understanding why over two years later this man was still in their lives. He wanted nothing less than to have a child named after him, but this was not a fight he was going to win

Three years later when that tiny body was laid in the ground next to the only man she had really ever loved, her world ended. She saw no reason to go on. She had lost her partner, her child. And the man standing next to her couldn't understand her grief. Couldn't understand why she couldn't go on.

She left her work, left her life, became a shell of herself, not knowing how to move on, get over the grief without him there to tell her. She wasn't surprised when one day she woke up and she didn't know where she was. But he was standing there, holding her baby, smiling at her.

"I never forgot you" was all she said as he faded from her view, falling into darkness. She was lost without him.

**05. People = Shit- Slipknot 3:38**

Jinx watched as her oldest daughter threw her life away. A cop. No one in her family had ever been a cop. How would she live with that? She didn't know. She drank down her wine, never enough. Six years later when that same daughter had moved into a new house and was doing all right for herself it was ok that she was a cop; it was ok that she had disgraced her mother, because she was going places. And more important, she was going to be able to live with her. Jinx had supported Mary while she was growing up and now it was her turn, isn't that how it was supposed to work? More wine, still not enough. When Jinx had found out that Mary had turned down Raph she drank again. Women in her family had never turned down marriage, what was she thinking? Didn't she know that Raph was probably the best she was going to get? Even more wine this time. And then she had been forced to get sober and there was never anything to dull the ache.

**06. In This River- Black Label Society 4:00**

He tried to flow, tried to be the river like he had told her all that time ago, but he felt like he was _in_ the river, like it was pulling him down, choking him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be strong for her family when he felt like he was falling apart inside.

He stood outside the small waiting room looking in at the small group inside. Raph, who looked like he hadn't even cried, Jinx, still in shock, Brandi, not comprehending what was going on, and he couldn't take it anymore.

He left the hospital, not sure where he was going, just knowing that he needed to go somewhere that he could just collapse. Somewhere where Mary wasn't dying, somewhere where he could just let go. He drove until he ran out of gas, walked until he could go no further. He didn't answer the phone when Stan called, afraid of what he would say.

Collapsed by the side of the road when they found him, not sure of where he was, almost dead himself. She was dead, they told him, they had tried to tell him before. She had wanted to see him one last time before she died. This was worse, knowing that he hadn't been there for her last breath.

The funeral was a blur; he was drowning, and he didn't even care.

**07. Put The F-cking Lotion In The Basket- Silence! The Muscial 2:38** _AN-Can I say this was just…odd. Only way to describe it. Very, very odd._

She hated horror movies. Especially ones that had psychopaths in them. But she watched them anyway. Really there was only one reason. Every time she jumped he would pulled her close to him. And even though she knew that she should really be doing this—watching movies, cuddling—with her fiancé, there was something about Marshall's comforting warmth and then the way he would tease her about it later. She knew that Raph would take it all too serious, but with Marshall…with him it was always ok.

**08. Prison Break Theme- Ferry Corsten Breakout Mix 3:37**

She loved to dance, not that she'd tell anyone. In fact if asked she'd lie outright and say she hated it. But the night they were checking on the witness who'd managed to get a job as a bar tender in one of the hip clubs in town, she wasn't going to pass up the chance to dance. She didn't care that Marshall was the only one there to see her, or dance with her. She didn't even care when he started to dance closer and closer, enjoying the contact with another human being.

A month later they were back and dancing again, but this time Marshall wouldn't dance with her and she couldn't figure out why until she saw out of the corner of her eye the last person she ever thought she would see in a place like this.

He wouldn't believe she was there for work, leading to another conversation about why he hated her job. Marshall, in Mary's eye, had taken the cowards way out by standing to the side and never being seen.

**09. A Stranger- A Perfect Circle 3:12**

He didn't know who he was anymore. Sure on the outside he was still the same ass-kicking smart-mouthed Marshall that he'd always been, but inside he didn't recognize himself. He knew when it had happened, when he had started to slip away; when he started to lose his bearings. In that diner, with that ring. He'd been lying ever since then; to himself, to her. He'd been pretending for so long now that he was happy he wasn't sure he would recognize the emotion if it really happened.

When he saw her in that white dress for the first time, he'd taken his gun with him up to the top of the Sunshine Building and considered his options, but he'd made a promise, and even if it killed him, he was going to keep it.

**10. Hurt- Johnny Cash 3:51**

His dad had listened to old country music, every time they went on vacation he would bring the record player and the soulful sounds of Johnny Cash would filter through their cabin in the woods. He sat now, listening to Johnny Cash again, wondering how he had drifted so far.

His father had died the week before and he hadn't been there. He'd been so caught up in Mary that he hadn't even noticed that his mother had called, and now it was too late. He had made it to the funeral, but it seemed too small a gesture.

When the knock on the door came he knew it was her coming to see how he was. He hadn't been to work in over a week, though his bereavement leave had ended yesterday. He didn't care; he was using sick days.

The Man in Black was singing now about people leaving, and Marshall knew what he meant. Mary, he thought, would love this song, but he didn't get up. He just sat there, tears streaming down his face.


End file.
